My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
