why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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