So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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