I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
