She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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