ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
