Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
