He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
