In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
