I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
