Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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