I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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