He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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