Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
