do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
