TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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