Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
