She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
