New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just gift wrapped bread.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
