new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
