I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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