Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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