so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
