When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
