You're earring is so big in my mouth
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
