She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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