It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
