new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
