I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You ruined the universe
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