Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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