just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
