First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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