Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he was CRYING into my vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
