Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
