We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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