at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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