ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this just has baby written all over it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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