Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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