Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize