That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
