just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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