the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
