I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
