I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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