It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
