I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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