How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
