I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
