He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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