Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
