All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize