I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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