totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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