i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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