Can i not drive my cunt home
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
