ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
