I faked an abortion last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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