Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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