ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sext me about skeletons
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
