3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
