I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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