Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
