I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
