remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
