It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
