remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
