"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
