Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize